And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
