so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
