I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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