Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
