He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
