You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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