Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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