Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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