Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
