I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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