She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
