Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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