wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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