he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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