her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
