Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
