i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
