so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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