covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
