i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
