He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
