Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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