I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
