haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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