I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
