next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
