Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
