I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
