You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
