Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
