She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
