from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
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I need moral support for this bender
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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