I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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