Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
