Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
