Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
