there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize