I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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