He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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