We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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