You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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