i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
