I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
