it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
