what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
