I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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