8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
