Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
