Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
