Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
