your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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