He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
