if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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