I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
