I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
