U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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