Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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