it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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