Best friends brother. Beat that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He passed out mid-signature
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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