I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
