My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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