Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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