Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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