how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
