I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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