So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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