went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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