so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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