So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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