I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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