Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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