well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
