I heard we made out
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
