oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
