Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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