Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
