the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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