Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
