DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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