well I can't set my house on fire every night
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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