i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
